Some people make it look so simple… living someone else’s life. They throw their ‘opinion manual’ out there full of do’s, don’ts, wrongs, rights, should have’s, would have’s, etc. They put tons of effort into figuring out what someone else is or isn’t doing correctly, and where it is nice to receive simple feedback that is insightful and helpful, the residual of asking for it can sometimes cause us to live the rhetoric of their disappointment, and that can be overwhelming. The upset you have caused another by not following their advice now leaves you in a tailspin of questioning why you asked for insight in the first place. In these situations, you need to ask yourself: are there relationships (regardless the origin or type) in your life where you find yourself overseeing, judging, or questioning another’s decision while they choose their life path? Who is it in your life that you feel conflicted about?
That kind of discord that has you questioning if they are meant to be in your life at all; you like or love them, but don’t quite understand them. You try to explain things to them, but feel unheard. You tend to accept blame, or place blame outside yourself finding fault. Moment by moment you’re questioning the why’s or why nots of their behaviors, and wonder how they can’t see what you see… they just don’t get it.
STOP. Take a breather.
Now ponder this… imagine your Soul has been trying to get your attention all this time; nudging you along your life path and supporting you as you, but on the other hand, the ego of you keeps questioning, doubting, blaming, soliciting opinions, and cluttering your mind with all the what if’s. But what if I told you there is a simple rule you can implement right away to bring clarity to such situations? What if I told you there are ways to silence the carousel of whys and judgments going around and round in your head?
How you ask? Are you Listening? Well… the key is to mind your own business!
There is a known Italian Proverb which goes like this: “Let every fox take care of his own tail”. When people get involved, share opinions, express concerns that allow them to think they are helping to lead another in the ‘right’ direction… there really is no self-awareness of their having a negative impact on the person they are helping. After all, often (but not always) the opinions of others are solicited. Shift your perception a minute and think how this may make them defensive as they feel judged… even if it wasn’t your intention.
I’ll be honest… it wasn’t my intention! But I am a natural empath. One could call it a birthright, a gift, a curse. Me, I find it is what it is. I have always been a people person; ready, willing, and able to help make things easier for another. I can listen, help, support, etc. But guess what… there comes a time when we must recognize that time focused on someone else’s business does not always support tending to your own as effectively as you could be. Once you come to the realization that you are not responsible for their behavior, acts, or conflicts, nor should you ever be, you will begin to gain insight as to the “why” but not the “why of the why”.
Even more confused? If so, think back.
Think back on times you struggled and held debates in your head as countless hours slipped away with still no definitive answers. Did it feel like a personal mission to uncover the why’s of it all? How exhausting on so many levels: mind, body, and spirit bundled. And to be honest with oneself, those times of over analyzing were like playing God on some level; thinking that the key to unlock the mysteries could somehow help, by bringing resolution to that which was not your problem to begin with.
By trying to solve what I view as a problem made, I made it your problem. I know, I know, the old argument of “but I can’t help it, I am empathic” …
Sorry, I can’t even get away with using that excuse anymore. Remember to mind your own Fox Hole!